A Heart that Fears God WIll Ace

There are some people that has something to brag about somebody, and mine has just spoken in behalf of a crowd that works toward a goal of saving  the earth, if not from total degradation, at least a portion of it.

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(During the Oath Taking of DENR-EMB Regular Employees)

I know him! I know that guy!… words I relentlessly uttered as I look at the photos of my man. If I could just comment in a post, that MAN is MINE. He was so awesome. If someone has just heard his stories on a daily basis, of how he selflessly took responsibilities and being liable to tasks, even those that are not his,  will surely tell themselves–that man is different! But of course he won’t tell that to anybody except me because he’s looking forward to pour all those feeling on me at night (I’m her girlfriend if you don’t mind knowing). I am graced and proud. The word of God truly reflects his style–his mode of conversing, the way he carries tasks by putting his hearts and the Lord’s commandment in everything he does. I learned through him that you can worship God even if you’re at work by doing your job wholeheartedly being always considerate of His commandments

And today, he represented the team that advocates the sustainability of our resources. Preserving nature particularly in the Philippines as our mother land is the aim of the Department of Environment and Natural Resources. I know people from this sect were bound to take good care of the earth as well as those inhabiting in it. They were truly great man indeed. Thank GOD for this group that is established to work on through this aim. Nature is what God puts to serve us people, but most of us are being ungrateful by destroying it without taking heed. This group would constantly remind us of the pending consequences of our mindless acts against our nature.

Today, I am overwhelmed by how he delivered his speech (As told by him through phone and as I look onto the comments). He mentioned  bribe issues. You know it takes a lot conviction to open up a topic, which meant you never been involved in any manner of corruption. Above all, he mentioned that people who deserves to stay in their field must be God-fearing. For him it should be a prime qualification, in doing so, corruptions will be totally abolished. People would act not just for them  to survive and accept salaries every 15th and 30th day of the month but to act in His will. In this way, they could think of ways and innovation on how to save the planet and people will realize that it is them and their children and the NEXT GENERATION who will reap the fruits in the end.

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As I was saying earlier, I feel very ineffective. I still feel ecstatic about the night before that I bring that kinda feel at our hospital duty. I am happy but not in the right condition to work. You know that feeling that you are not able to connect the same feel with your patients. That you are remaining silent because you are thinking of other things instead of dealing or attending their needs. Yes, I did attend their needs. I have taken Vital signs, I made their beds, I checked the fluids, I made some follow ups but did I did them by heart? That is what I was seeking for myself earlier, why am I being silent? why can’t I express a nice conversation with the patients?

Why is it that when you are lonely or you have something to endure, that is the time when I feel like I have the courage to do everything that is right? 

When I am sad, I kinda absorbed the unkind emotions as well. And when I am sad, I am more sensitive to every feeling. And I reacted as if I don’t to others feel the way that I feel. I don’t want them to get hurt. That’s why I am pursued to accomplish tasks better. Because I am with my heart. 

And when I am carnally happy, I am gone with the world, with the reality..haha it’s a funny thing to say. I am mostly alone and excels when I am alone. But I don’t wish to stay like that…

So, I want to clear my values…

I am a student nurse and I have to make it work. Though not sure of the future which now I don’t care, I have to do something about this. Every human needs attention, every person in pain needs to be comfort, be genuine, be honest, be knowledgeable, be with heart…everyone is facing difficulty, even I, and you know yourself best above them. Never underestimate someone..and be kind to all 🙂

And I need to seek my bible..maybe that’s I am lacking right now…I need to practice everysingle commandments. Practice..practice..everyday. Goals are futile if my cores are weak. 

 

I had this patient and he was suffering from unstable angina pectoris, CAD. He also is suffering from gouty neuropathy–kidney complications. Kanina, he told me he wanted to die because he is suffering hard in his chest pain. In patients dealing with this disease, they feel like a crushing and stabbing pain in the chest. He was given morphine..and that medication wouldn’t be given if I didn’t go to nurse’s station and tell them he has severe chest pain. But morphine didn’t relieve his pain. My patients feels anxious and restless, he is crying hard and expresses that he wants to die. I don’t know if I remained silent because that is my defense mechanism, but inside I really feel helpless. I want to do more but I am shy and I was not in the right condition…I feel stupid.. I have handled a hard patient though I feel so less..

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I feel very ineffective today. I just knew when I started the day, I would be like doing some errors. I believe that everything that happens to me must be the consequence of “not doing right”. Who else to blame? except me… 

Okay let’s put it this way…It is not wrong to love..never from the start. But when you feel such, it’s like you just want to feel them all throughout the day. You don’t mind if you have more important things to do, you just want to wait and it is dreadful isn’t? I just want to wait for both us to have a nice talk…just like that..time seems like endless. Pero…

Pero…Being in love shouldn’t always be irrational. And being inlove is not only to your boyfriend. I should be more in love with knowledge that would bring benefits to my upcoming patients and myself. I don’t blame my boyfriend, I blame me. He would always understand what am I going through and I am proud to say that we have a good foundation in this relationship. It’s just me, okay. I was goofing off, wasting my time in fantasies. Supposed to be I should be studying hard during Sundays–that was my best day to unwind and refresh myself at toxic school works. That’s also the time to work on with my values. I am being driven with so much party life during weekdays that I need to watch out for myself as well. Sundays are also the best times to prepare. I am preparing for something, though I am not sure what God wills at least I have plans. They say never plan, you just have to enjoy what is on the present time, because if you do…you will feel disappointed afterwards if you don’t achieve your thing.

It is right, true in some sense. But it is never prudent not setting goals. Goals will push you harder to attain something, challenges will push you outside your borderlines and leads you to a broader world. It is not always enjoyment..you should feel failures and hardships in achieving them. What if your plans didn’t came to happen?

I’ll just stay as before and be thankful. I am glad that Brother Eli and Brother Daniel thought me that God has better plans for us. You just have to put Him first before anything else, and you will see and feel that He is working with you. In this sense, in face of failures and disappointments, I will still be happy. Give your best to God and He will give the best to you. All that will be best for you. Just prioritize Him first.

I am guilty of these things–

For the past few days, I was taking Him for granted. I was mindless because I am happy about other things. I am mislead by my carnal feelings and literally sort of forgetting Him. 

It’s time for me to unwind. I know God is my all. He would be the best for me. When everything will be gone, and feel like I have lost everything, I would always cling to God..always to Him. And if not for Him I am distraught. I am in a world that is full of insensibility and self-driven motives. I was dealing with young but proud people. People that are well practice on putting discouragement to their colleagues. I am blessed because I have God. I am able to survive these. 

If the man is given by Him, he should be beneficial and supplements my salvation. And I see him naman as a very wise person. It’s just me, okay :)… 

Priority is priority.

I should be in love more with things that makes my life colorful.