As I was saying earlier, I feel very ineffective. I still feel ecstatic about the night before that I bring that kinda feel at our hospital duty. I am happy but not in the right condition to work. You know that feeling that you are not able to connect the same feel with your patients. That you are remaining silent because you are thinking of other things instead of dealing or attending their needs. Yes, I did attend their needs. I have taken Vital signs, I made their beds, I checked the fluids, I made some follow ups but did I did them by heart? That is what I was seeking for myself earlier, why am I being silent? why can’t I express a nice conversation with the patients?
Why is it that when you are lonely or you have something to endure, that is the time when I feel like I have the courage to do everything that is right?
When I am sad, I kinda absorbed the unkind emotions as well. And when I am sad, I am more sensitive to every feeling. And I reacted as if I don’t to others feel the way that I feel. I don’t want them to get hurt. That’s why I am pursued to accomplish tasks better. Because I am with my heart.
And when I am carnally happy, I am gone with the world, with the reality..haha it’s a funny thing to say. I am mostly alone and excels when I am alone. But I don’t wish to stay like that…
So, I want to clear my values…
I am a student nurse and I have to make it work. Though not sure of the future which now I don’t care, I have to do something about this. Every human needs attention, every person in pain needs to be comfort, be genuine, be honest, be knowledgeable, be with heart…everyone is facing difficulty, even I, and you know yourself best above them. Never underestimate someone..and be kind to all 🙂
And I need to seek my bible..maybe that’s I am lacking right now…I need to practice everysingle commandments. Practice..practice..everyday. Goals are futile if my cores are weak.
I had this patient and he was suffering from unstable angina pectoris, CAD. He also is suffering from gouty neuropathy–kidney complications. Kanina, he told me he wanted to die because he is suffering hard in his chest pain. In patients dealing with this disease, they feel like a crushing and stabbing pain in the chest. He was given morphine..and that medication wouldn’t be given if I didn’t go to nurse’s station and tell them he has severe chest pain. But morphine didn’t relieve his pain. My patients feels anxious and restless, he is crying hard and expresses that he wants to die. I don’t know if I remained silent because that is my defense mechanism, but inside I really feel helpless. I want to do more but I am shy and I was not in the right condition…I feel stupid.. I have handled a hard patient though I feel so less..